Shopping and other Japanese Pastimes
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Ace of Base`s AWFUL (but very popular) "Tokyo Girl"
SUNDAY - A Little Walk...

Fed up with yesterday's rain and with waiting around for the occasional 15min slot to check my email, I dediced to take a stroll around my neighbourhood this afternoon. It's really lovely - and, as Jenny suggested, rather like a Donnybrook-style suburb. As James (the New Yorker with the Irish girlfriend from the 'real' Donnybrook!) pointed out, you can tell it's a rich neighbourhood because there's so much greenery. Many of the houses even have gardens...
On my odyssey to Waseda I went via Sengawa station (on the advice of Soshigaya's welcoming committee - bad idea) so today I went looking for the alternative, Seijogakuen-mae Station. A) it's actually closer, and B) it's WAY easier to find!! Maybe the locals were trying to give me a navigational baptism of fire or something... Seijogakuen-mae station is a ten minute walk straight down the road, rather than a twenty minute journey up hill and down dale... The walk to Seijo is much nicer - it passes a Golf school, an enormously posh appartment complex/gated community complete with moat and waterfalls, and various pretty houses. There was some kind of festival happening today, as en route I passed a big crowd of people carrying several carts bedecked with lanterns. There were drummers everywhere, and it was all very exciting. Everyone was in traditional dress too (traditional "day-wear" if you will - not entirely spectacular, but not the otherwise standard 80s style clothes prevalent in this suburb...!) so it was very interesting.

All of this was happening, I found out on my way back, in the car-park of a rather large music and video shop which is about 3 mins from my doorstep. I had a potter around, but didn't have the guts to actually buy anything - from my ultra-limited knowledge of kanji, it seemed that some of the items were for rent rather than for sale, and I really didn't want to be left looking stupid (again) at the counter. The electronic security in the shop was spectacular though - it's omni-present but almost invisible. Indeed, I only noticed when a small child walked through the wrong barrier with a copy of "Araddin", and was then forced by his mother to apologise amid copious bows and "Sumimasen"s to the various employees he had disturbed. The poor kid was only about five... Customer service here is wonderful - even apparently bratty teenagers working in shops are extremely polite.

The area around Seijogakuen-mae station is very posh- lots of expensive-looking coffeeshops and boutiques (my favourite has to be "Hot Man - Le Ballet", which in fact sells women's bathwear, towels and robes). Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, I turned a corner and was dismayed at the noise coming from McDonalds. (They're everywhere here too.) As is the case in most Japanese outlets, this McDs is more a booth than a restaurant, manned by the sqeakiest, noisiest teenagers imaginable, all smiles and teeth. And no, I didn't even stop...

On the way home I bought some sushi for lunch, and have some chicken and a portion of "eyeballs" for dinner. These are little sticks which appear to have four eyeballs skewered onto them. I was made try one the other night. When you can't speak Japanese, you've no escape - certainly I couldn't say "I'm terribly sorry, but the prospect of eating an eyeball is making me feel rather unwell and I'd really rather not", so I had to just eat it. Turns out, it's something like pureed rice, coated in soy sauce. And they're very good!!

As it turns out, Maurice lives in the same place I do. I bumped into him this morning and we had a chat. He's full of advice, and it's good to know he's here.

It seems this little walk has turned into a long ramble, so I'll shut up now...

MONDAY

Having made an attempt at ordering my room, I decided to be big and brave and go exploring properly this morning. It's funny - despite having left the big suitcase full of clothes at home and not having had any books yet, there's still all kinds of junk piling up here. A strange paradox (one among millions here...) is that the Japanese are obsessed with dealing with garbage efficiently - the recycling and waste disposal instructions would make your head spin - but they produce insane amounts of it. Everything is wrapped in cellophane and put in a plastic bag, every piece of information is presented in an envelope, cds and dvds come with extra Japanese-language packaging (called an 'obi' - like the kimono sash) and it all piles up... I am beginning to formulate an idea in my head for something about the way the Japanese are obsessed with this wrapping - whether it's of the human body (think about how many layers there are to a kimono) or of material items... Hmmm...

Rapt withal (sorry...) I decided to head for Shibuya. OH MY GOD I have never seen so many people. At least in Calcutta there was a vibrant, almost violent variety, but the mob surrounding Shibuya station was almost completely homogenous, and the thousands of people within it moved as one. I felt like I was standing in a music video or something, watching these people go by, all in relatively perfect harmony. It's easy to understand why Japanese young people make such (desperate) attempts to individualise themselves with hair-dye, tattoos, funky clothes and - increasingly - piercings, but for some reason their efforts seem a little transparent. That said, it certainly makes the insanely packed subway trains more colourful!
Interestingly, and unlike Calcutta, nobody seems interested enough in me to stare at me - unlike India, where they gaped! Everyone seems to get on with their own business....

That is, apart from the crazy woman who sat beside me. As we have established, my Japanese is sub-basic, but for some reason this old fruitcake decided to yammer away at me for a couple of stops. Our conversation went something along the following lines, translated for your convenience (although it's way more bizarre in Japanese) Please also bear in mind that it was extremely difficult to get a word in edgeways, sideways or anyways. This woman was bent double, in a navy dress with huge white polkadots and patent leather mary-jane shoes. She must be about two hundred years old, but had permed hair to her shoulders that was dyed brown but tied back. She looked like a grandmother dressed up as Minnie Mouse. If this wasn't weird enough, she had a bright pink backpack and white foundation makeup (as though applied by a drunken geisha) on her face which looked kinda greyish-blue because her skin was yellow (no racism intended). No, I am NOT making this up...

Her - (In Japanese) Do you speak English? Because I used to speak English. But now I don't speak English any more. I speak a little bit of English. (In English) I speak English a little. (In Japanese) Are you American?

Me - Yes, I speak English. I am Irish.

Her (very excited at this, starts rummaging in her bag...) Ah so! You are Irish! One moment, please.
(finds what she's looking for, a tattered old map and a pen, and then puts a large cross over Ireland, and shows me the home-places of people she's talked to. At this point I have no idea what she's talking about... All her Americans were from the East Coast, except for one from Utah. I wonder what the Mormon made of her.)

Finally made it to Shibuya - which as I mentioned was rather busy - but I managed to find my way to my first destination - BUNKAMURA. This is the performing arts complex of which Ninagawa is an artistic director. Surprise surprise (not...) it's part of an enormous department store, all posh European fashion brands (Gucci, Prada, Manolo, and, bizarrely, Swarofski Crystal) and expensive theatre downstairs. I got the programme up until February, but it seems Ninagawa is working elsewhere for the moment. (If anyone's heard anything, good or bad, about his English-language Hamlet, PLEASE let me know...)

Next door to Bunkamura is a big bookshop, which was quite an experience. Of course this whole place is saturated with unfamiliar symbols, but for the most part the edges are softened by the idiot's-guide-style English transliterations. But this was not the case in the bookshop. Slightly dazed, I headed for the mothership - there's a 7-storey HMV next door...

I was delighted to find that several interesting theatrical DVDs were part of the sale (it seems HMV worldwide is constantly in the middle of their "biggest ever sale") and had to leave many others behind. But the ones I got - Nomura Mansai's Hamlet, and Ninagawa's Sincere Frivolity and Shintokomaru - at least have given me plenty of new things to think (and write) about....

After this I had lunch (miso soup and some rice - I'll be skeletal by Christmas if this continues!) and headed back for Soshigaya because I was tired. I had a snooze and then watched 7 hours of Japanese theatre (hurrah!) and then went to sleep.

TUESDAY

Since yesterday was a National Holiday I was delayed even further in my attempts to get myself sorted. There is a host of things one has to do - in specific order - which I couldn't because I arrived on Thursday and had my orientation on Friday, and with the holiday yesterday was even further delayed and inconvenienced. It was really adding insult to injury when I found out that the holiday in question was National Sports Day...

When you get to Japan you have to go through the process of Alien Registration and receive an identity card confirming your visa status etc. This has to be done at your local municipal office. You can't do anything without this Gaijin card - so I couldn't buy a phone, open a bank account, buy a train pass... until this was done, so this was very much my priority today. Thanks to the Typhoon (which I'm afraid I completely missed in the daze of Saturday) our Japanese placement tests were rescheduled until this morning. The weather here is pretty lousy - I haven't seen sunshine since the drive from the airport, as it's been overcast, humid, rainy and muggy. The upside is that the neon and the lights glow and reflect more in this weather - in the blank sunlight they look a little dingy...

Unsurprisingly I failed my Japanese test. So I'm in Level 1, and I have 13 hours a week for the next 6 months. I'm going back to school!!

After the test Angelica and I went for hot chocolate (which was manky and insanely expensive at about E4). We're fast becoming allies - she's dippy but speaks good Japanese, I'm practical-ish and know where we're supposed to be... Then I went off and met my supervisor, Prof. Okamuro, who is LOVELY. She took me to lunch in the posh Okura Garden restaurant, the academic staff common room, which in best Japanese style looks out over a very pretty garden. We chatted and chatted about theatre (she was the academic advisor for N's Waiting for Godot! RESULT!) and she seems very enthusiastic and helpful.

Then came the fun part - the trip to Setagaya city ward office for the alien registration. I guess I shouldn't have been too shocked at the intricacy of beaurocracy at work in a country where the
words for "god" and "paper" are the same. The Setagaya City Ward Office (a temple to beaurocracy that makes Dublin's Civic Offices look pretty) could drive one to distraction. Even the directions I got to it were insanely complicated. I didn't trust the hand-drawn map, so I got off one stop later and ended up 2 mins away, instead of having a 15 minute goosechase through suburban Tokyo looking for an unmarked building. Mercifully the staff spoke English, and my card will be ready soon. In the meantime I have a certificate, which is as good as the card until I have it. So I'm on my way. Next door (in the Setagaya City Ward Office Building 2....!) I had to register for National Health Insurance. This was less fun, since nobody there spoke English at all. But the man on the desk had clearly processed countless similar applications before mine, and it was ok. Then he got very excited about the fact that I was from Ireland, and (I think) told me that he'd never met an Airurando-jin before. I nearly felt like asking if his mother was a crazy old woman prone to talking to strangers on the Shibuya-bound Yamanote line....

Back from what was a way less painful expedition than I foresaw, I got to Shinjuku. The station is enormous - mercurial even. Every time I come into it I seem to be somewhere else, and it's difficult to navigate. One minute you're in a station under construction, but if you turn a corner you're in a quiet department store selling Hallowe'en pumpkins so expensive they make the suburban melons look cheap. Go out the door to your left and you in Takashiyama Times Square, with a huge GAP and a multi-storey Tower Records. And obviously you won't want to pass that by... And, if you're like me, you'll keenly spot the kabuki-dvd bargain bin and buy a beautiful dvd of onnagata and expert dancer Bando Tamasaburo (aka one of Ninagawa's Medeas) performing kabuki dances, and for just Y700 you certainly won't leave it behind...

Throughout all of this I was really looking for somewhere to sell me a mobile phone (according to all my housemates they cost only a yen) but was completely flummoxed. Exhausted, I just got on a train home. Have discovered the knack of getting a seat on the way home. If you want to get home quickly (ie in 15 mins) you take the express train, but so does half the known world. However, even at 5pm I got a seat without any sardine-syndrome on the local train, which, admittedly, stops at every blessed station on the line. But it's worth it.
Back at the ranch tonight I ended up chatting to Thomas (the Greek), who seems to know everyone already. So through him I met Manu (from France) Xavier (from Argentina) and Jim (a very earnest, VERY typical Briton, who seemed immediately nervous of my feelings towards him. Particularly since he thought I was Scottish. For god's sake, it's not like I'm going to kneecap him... Although I guess I won't say that to him...) Thomas also introduced me to his friend Maria, another Greek, an actress who studies Kabuki. Even better, she was most interested in what I wanted to study, and her eyes flashed when I said Ninagawa. She said her friend knew him personally. We discussed his Greek tragedies (that's the wonderful thing about Greeks - they always love to talk about Ancient Drama, and they all seem to have an intelligent, informed opinion!!!) and she said that his Electra was stunning. And it turns out that the friend who knows Ninagawa is none other than Harue Yamagata, who translated both Electra and Oedipus!! Impressed that I knew her name, Maria decided that I simply had to meet her (fine by me!) and that, once my Japanese was good enough, she'd arrange a meeting with the man himself. I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!

And I'm going to bed to sleep because I'm knackered....


And a few seconds today - bank account is now opened (hurrah), have also paid rent and arranged same from now on, and best of all have bought a mobile phone. The number is 00819017772035. I think. If I:m wrong, I:ll let you know!

How are you?

Typhoon!


The incessant rain from yesterday has been promoted to even more dramatic status. Apparently it's a level 2 typhoon... The wily Angleica met me at the computer this morning to inform me that we probably wouldn't have to move, since in her native Hong Kong you don't have to go to school or college if the typhoons are that bad. I sent a quick email to tell Waseda that the three of us wouldn't be there, and they sent a hilariously concerned one back hoping that we wouldn't drown or catch pneumonia - like we've even been outside!!

We were pretty much stranded for the day, but it was nice to relax and chat with other people, who seem to be as bewildered as I am - another character to add is James, from New York, who speaks fluent Japanese because he lived here for a few years. He just finished an MA in the School of Oriental and African Studies in London (where I did much of my MA research!) and has an Irish girlfriend... He's very cool.

Other than that, I've been stranded in Soshigaya all day - nothing much else to report!

Tokyo...
Now Playing: Amber - Above the Clouds
Hello!

This place is absolutely insane.

Leaving the airport in Dublin, flying to Frankfurt, sleeping in the (rather wonderfully luxurious) Sheraton at Frankfurt Main airport, and then flying to Tokyo, I really didn't know what was going on. I think I was jetlagged in advance, and could barely wrap my head around what was going on. I slept most of the way to Tokyo, which was good, since when I landed it was 7am, and I felt like I'd just had a night's sleep. Queueing for immigration I heard a gang of loud but fun Americans, bleary but good humoured, winding their way behind me. One or two looked familiar, and I eventually copped on that they were most of the cast of this year's American idol.

(incl Diana, Jennifer, Jon Peter, George, and LaToya, but not, alas, Fantasia...)

There were about 15 other students on the same scholarship as me, all on the same flight, and we all had to register at the airport, whence we were all whisked away in luxurious taxis to our respective dormitories. I shared a car with a guy from Croatia (from Pula where they made Titus...) but promptly forgot his name. We drove right across Tokyo, so I got some sense of the frightening enormity of the city, and we drove across the incredible Rainbow bridge and saw the largest Ferris wheel in the world... The taxi driver was hilarious - whenever he read a sign, he had to point to the one he was following. I thought this was for our benefit, but he seemed to be doing more out of habit than anything else.

So far, so comfortable - the door-to-door service meant that everything seemed doable and completely unthreatening, and nothing seemed particularly foreign. It was like a cross between Greece and Los Angeles - insanely built up, with illegible signs. Just as I was beginning to wonder if there was anything natural left in Tokyo, it appeared behind a skyscraper - Mount Fuji. It's just gorgeous. Admittedly my first sight of it was through the dawn mist as we flew in - far more attractive than seeing it through the city smog - but it's extremely impressive either way!

We arrived, 90 mins and ?260 later, at our new address, Soshigaya International Student House. It's very impressive. My room is slightly larger than that in Royal Holloway, and without the unpleasant car-ferry of that room. All of the furniture units are free standing! It's on the third floor, and has air-conditioning (THANK GOD) a toilet and a fridge. We've a communal kitchen and shower room (which is cool, since I'm only billed for the water I use in my room...) and it's very comfortable.

In the afternoon I had the most pedantic introductory session imaginable, where they explained everything about the house and life therein, and invited me to various getting-to-know-you parties etc. The house has a cafeteria, common rooms, TV room, study room, library, meeting room, music room (with 2 keyboards and a baby grand) a large dancehall, a gym, an exercise-machine room, and best of all a 'traditional Japanese room' with tatami mats, shoji screens and a rolling ikebana display. There are numerous classes on offer - martial arts, yoga, ikebana, stone-garden arrangement, calligraphy... and there are frequently scheduled other activities. So it seems like a lively place, which is nice.

After all this, it all caught up with me, and I crashed completely, only waking up at about 7 this morning. Having gone through all of my information from yesterday, I decided to investigate the shower, and then went out on my business for the day. There are a hundred and one fiddly things I have to do, alien registration, student registration, meet tutor, this tour, that orientation, etc, and it's all a bit mental. There was a bus due to take students for registration this morning, but I couldn't go as I had to go to Waseda for my orientation there. So it's now top of my list...

I went off in search of the nearest train station (about 15 mins walk, but without any evil Egham-style hills...) at Sengawa. Walking up the street to it, it finally began to feel like Asia - there were people everywhere, street-hawkers calling, shops full of trinkets and everything else imaginable pouring onto the street, and then the station itself. Sengawa is a small suburban stop, but it was teeming this morning. Trying to buy a ticket was a challenge, since the electronic machines were only in Japanese, and only in kanji (ie no chance of Conor reading them) but eventually I found a button which looked a) well-used and b) seemed like the characters for 'English'. Bingo - ticket bought. Then had to try to find platform. More success here - there are tiny English signs everywhere. My choices were either to a) try to find the local ward office to do my alien registration on my own, or b) take the train all the way into town and begin the quest to find Waseda University. I went for plan b) - and just as well.

My next stop was Shinjuku, the busiest station in Japan. Over three million people pass through this station everyday. It's absolutely enormous, and particularly labyrinthine. Thankfully, the English sign-posting here is quite good, but the trouble was I couldn't find what I thought I should be looking for... I nearly got on a Chuo-line train, but then realised it was going the wrong way. The map came out again, and I figured I'd go to the adjacent Seibu-Shinjuku station, which seemed a little smaller, to get the train to the station where I'd get the train to Waseda. In what was a very mixed blessing, this path led me out of Shinjuku station proper, into downtown Shibuya. It's amazing - all light up, gaudy, insanely busy, noisy, but immaculately clean. Aladdin came out on DVD here today, so I kept hearing 'A Friend Like Me' in Japanese blaring onto the streets. By now it was starting to rain a little bit, so I was glad of the umbrella I bought this morning.

I found the Seibu-Shinjuku train, and two trains later got to Waseda station. Hurrah! Checked bag - had left the damned orientation sheet in Soshigaya. Dumbass... Pottered through the ENORMOUS campus for a few minutes, realising I hadn't a hope in hell of figuring out where I was supposed to go, and where, indeed that might be. There was a frazzled-looking security guard who I'm sure saw me coming in a hut near the entrance- by the time I got there he had someone on the phone to interpret for me and explain the directions he was giving me. Several 'arigato gozaimasu's later, new map in hand, I reached the International Students Centre at 1.10pm. I sincerely hope that from now on it will not take me three hours and ten minutes to get to Waseda. If it does, I may go insane. The orientation was fine, nothing particularly exciting, just more Japanese exactness and paranoia. I quote "Please ensure that you sign up every month at your academic departmental office to avoid the absolute disaster of your stipend being paid a month late". They're so assiduous. Mind you, considering the cost of things here, I understand that it might actually be an absolute disaster!

The orientation ended with a tour of the campus, led (perhaps unwisely) by three Japanese students, who were both shy and severely lacking in English-ability. It finally hit me then just how incapacitated I'm going to be until I understand this language. However, I'm playing completely dumb for the moment, since whenever I've spoken so far, people assume I know far more than I know, and then they ramble off, leaving me absolutely bewildered. But I'll be fine soon enough.

Waseda has about 55.000 students, and is absolutely enormous. The campus is huge, and the facilities are incredible. The international centre alone is a huge 9 storey building with all mod cons and then some. The theatre museum (...) is modelled on the Fortune Theatre in London. The student centre on the Toyama campus is something like 15 storeys high, with a huge gym, swimming pool, professsional-looking theatre for student-use only, concert hall with orchestra, and there's also three libraries, a hospital and a massive auditorium. The president of the university has invited all international students to dinner next Thursday in the pavilion which flanks his Japanese garden. All v v posh...

By this time, it was absolutely bucketing down (apparently there's a typhoon due in Tokyo, which will doubtless arrive punctually like the trains and buses - it's brilliant. They're timed to the minute) and we were all ravenous, so we tried to find somewhere to eat. Our guide, Keiko (who ploughed on and on with the energy of the Energizer Bunny) knew a place, and we were ensconced in no time in a pokey little restaurant whose proprietors she clearly knew. It was the real deal - sliding door, shoes off, sitting on the floor. Miso soup, pickles, beef & onions on rice, green tea. It was delicious! With me were Keiko, her two friends (our other guides), two other friends, and Mon, from China, Angelica (from Hong Kong, lives in Soshigaya with me), and Boraj(?) from Hungary. My legs cramped after about 30 seconds, and I had a lousy set of pins&needles when we stood up, but I valiantly got through it all with my chopsticks - and indeed made a better job of it than Angelica! (She's a knife-and-fork, Loreto-educated kinda girl... doesn't even speak Chinese...)

After we found a second-hand bike shop for the Hungarian we decided to brave the elements again and start the epic trek back to Setagaya-ku. Angelica has been here for nearly a week, and is quite good at travel. Turns out, the Yamanote line goes directly from Shinjuku station, and I needn't have gone for the crazy potter through Shinjuku - but it was worth it! It would only have taken about an hour to get home, but because of the rain etc we decided to take an express train to the stop before and then get the door-to-door bus. Shock horror, it was late (we're now talking monsoon rain, so it's forgivable...) so we went to a supermarket to pass the time. I can confirm that melons are insanely expensive. A lovely Gallia melon, admittedly beautifully boxed, would set you back Y1980, which is approximately ?15. Absolutely insane!! I bought myself two drinks to quell the thirst of all this travelling. I couldn't resist "British Style Royal Milk Tea" (imagine a sweet cup of tea, cold) and "Pocari Sweat", which is a pseudo-isotonic concoction which tastes not unlike disprin, marketed to maintain bodily fluid health or something...

Finally the bus arrived, and I was deposited back at my door. I'm meeting Angelica tomorrow morning at 7.30 to go get back to Waseda for 9.15 - we've our Japanese language test tomorrow for placement in class. Monday is a public holiday - National Sports Day (ugh) - so we have a long weekend to settle ourselves. I'm hoping that I won't have to skip any classes in order to be able to open my bank account, buy a mobile phone, join the student coop, register, become a legal alien (lest the Men in Black-kimono) come get me and so forth. Everyone seems extremely perplexed that I have been allowed to come here with such scant knowledge of the Japanese language (I don't know if it's respect for my courage or bewilderment at my stupidity and ill-preparation) but anyway I'll learn it soon enough. The fact is, (says he, hopefully) it can be done.

So there you have it - I can't even begin to describe how blurred, confusing, exhilarating, brilliant and terrifying it is. Everything seems vaguely recognisable from a distance, but up close nothing is what it seems, as though they have taken on things and then arbitrarily changed them - for example, Swiss Coffee, which one could be forgiven for assuming was a coffee shop or cafeteria of some kind, perhaps with a little Milka or a nice Hot chocolate, or some such apres-ski style pleasure. In fact, it's a Korean buffet restaurant. Go figure.

More to follow... O-yasumi nasai!

Conor ;-)

Ninagawa Hamlet
Mood:  celebratory
Michael Maloney is a wonderful actor. His Hamlet was one of the funniest I`ve ever seen (up there with Justin O`Hanlon - funny for the wrong reasons - and Simon Russell Beale, who was absolutely excellent, but possibly the fattest, oldest Hamlet ever.)

This production was really different from Ninagawa`s others - no gimmicks, no spectacular stage effects, just really clear direction, (for the most part) extremely solid acting, and very, very clean lines. Too bad I only saw a preview, wherein Hamlet had to use a stick as he`d torn a ligament in his leg, and Claudius wasn`t quite comfortable in his robes. Frances Tomelty as Gertrude was magnificent, though.

The Player Queen was played by perhaps the most beautiful Japanese man I have ever seen. The idea of cross-dressing the player queen is certainly not very controversial or even spectacularly original, but the way Ninagawa directed him/her in The Mousetrap - as a half-naked drag queen - was most confusing. Was it a weak moment or a gratuitous display of young male flesh?! Who cares... ;)

Hamlet is touring all over the UK before ending up in the Barbican - do not miss...

Caroline O'Connor
Now Playing: Tina Turner - Goldeneye
Oh my GOD. Bombshells was so much fun!!

Now that I've gotten over my strange few days in the UK (I think I was actually jetlagged. I've been all over the western world this summer, but I get jetlagged on a two-day trip to Oxford. For god's sake. God help me when I get to Japan...) I can talk about how brilliant Caroline O'Connor is. I have been a fan of hers since about 1993 when I got a cd of West Side Story (she's the best Anita ever) and was then very excited when she popped up in Moulin Rouge.

In Edinburgh I was gutted not to get to see her one-woman show, Bombshells, thanks to the appalling ineptitude of the Assembly Rooms box-office staff, but I got to see the show in London. Yay! It's a set of six monologues - think Talking-Heads-meets-Steven-Berkoff-performed-by-Judy-Garland-on-speed and you've some idea - and it was wonderful. Anyone near London - GO SEE!!!

I got what I thought was a personal email from RuPaul the other day (many of you will remember the excitment at Christmas when the last one arrived!) but it turned out to be a request to buy her album. Which I would, if it were even remotely available in Ireland... Maybe I'll get it somewhere on my travels...

I'm so excited about Ninagawa's Hamlet. I can't actually believe I'm flying (no doubt in a tin can with wings) to Plymouth just to see this play. I'm sure it'll be wonderful...

I, Consumer
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Darren Hayes - Ride
So I'm back at the same computer I wrote at while waiting for my flight to Toronto in Gatwick airport. Who'd have guessed?!

It's a bitch trying to type here, so sorry for any errors... I've spent today realising that I am an almost pefectly-programmed consumer. It's desperate. I took a Virgin train to London, bought Vogue, a Mars and a diet Coke, shopped for Steisand (that evil brand...) in HMV, looked around GAP, popped into Starbucks for a fix, came to the airport, ate McDonalds (my nuggets were cooked in about 1987...) and checked in my Samsonite luggage. AGH!

Enough of this piece of crap computer. More later...

Guess who's back...
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: YoYo Ma Japanese music...
Hello!

Sorry it's been so long, but I had nothing really to talk about since coming back from Edinburgh... It was a rather subdued festival, and everything seemed pretty much burned out by the time I got to Scotland, myself included.

I spent a week after the festival just relaxing in Edinburgh, which was lovely, and then (finally) came home to Dublin.

A WORD OF WARNING TO ANYONE FLYING RYANAIR ANYTIME SOON - THEIR BAGGAGE ALLOWANCE HAS GONE DOWN AND THE PRICE OF EXCESS HAS GONE UP - I WAS NASTILY SNARED ON MY WAY HOME... GRRRR!

I'm heading over to Ingleterra tomorrow for a conference in Oxford on Friday - it's about Aristophanes, not really my thing, but there's a professor from my university in Japan who will be speaking, and I figure it's a good place to meet him!

And hopefully I'll get to see Miss Caroline O'Connor in London while I'm there.

Anyone know a good place to stay in Plymouth? I'm going there at the end of the month to see Ninagawa's Hamlet. Tres exciting.

I have been going through my books and cds - I have an obscene amount of both. If you're looking for ANYTHING, at this stage I probably have it, so ask!

Found a hilarious site (thanks to Cian) about Celebrity cosmetic disasters - it's www.awfulplasticsurgery.com and made me laugh out loud...

That's enough for the moment - I have to go cook dinner.

Don't take my word for it...
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: The good ship Lollipop...
Here's Kate Copstick's review from the Scotsman, 24 August...

Bare torsos, naked talent

KATE COPSTICK


FAMOUS SPIEGELTENT (Venue 87)

THE Spiegeltent is as glorious as ever, as if some old-time Laurence Llewellyn Bowen had made over the circus. This show, a sort of creatively carnal kaleidoscope of physicality, fits it like Dean Martin fitted a bar-room. It is the place where circus meets Vaudeville and it has never been, could never be, sexier.

La Clique is the most perfectly honed erotica since Michelangelo carved David. All the women have fabulous curves and all the guys have torsos that are perfect triangles. Fleefly starts the show outside, swirling high above George Square gardens on two scarlet ribbons. Ursula Martinez takes the genre of comedy magic and makes it entirely her own, incontrovertibly proving that it's not what you do, it's the way that you it.

She also demonstrates that there is always a place for a lady to keep her kerchief, even when she is naked. Yulia Pikhtina turns hula hooping into erotica and Miss Behave - who swallows - does all the wrong things with scissors.

This is clever, creative stuff - flirtation with amazing gymnastic skills. It is the kind of sexy with which most of us are never lucky enough to get into the same room, let alone the same bath. I think I was making whimpering noises.

And then there are The Caesar Twins. Identical twins. To believe that there is one creature of such physical perfection in the world is difficult. To find Poland has produced two pushes back the very bounds of possibility. They are awesomely, breathstoppingly skilled, and have what seems to be superhuman strength. Were you to see their balances and lifts on a screen you would assume they were a special effect, and what they do in a goldfish bowl will leave you entirely unsatisfied with your guppies. Do whatever it takes to get a front-row seat.

La Clique - A Sideshow Burlesque
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Bolero from Moulin Rouge
The Edinburgh Festival Fringe ended last night, and I was there, at the most FABULOUS show I've seen in a very long time.

The Spiegeltent was the coolest thing at last year's fringe, home of many a night of debauchery, drunkenness and good ole times, and this year was no different- apart from their late show, La Clique. It was the hottest ticket on the fringe, and thank GOD I got one for last night. It was just fantastic.

It was a burlesque variety show with trapeze artists, comedy, acrobats and singers, all with a very saucy bent. Things started with an female acrobat outside the tent performing on silks to 'Where the Wild Roses Grow' by Nick Cave and Kylie, and then we moved inside, where the wonderful Camille O'Sullivan got things going with a crazy song about ferris wheels. Next came the Caesar Twins, two insanely beautiful and immensely talented acrobats who happen to be identical. I'm sorry, but there's definitely something more than a 'twin thing' between them....

They performed throughout the show, took their shirts off, did a cool number about Castor and Pollux, and ended in a fishbowl like in Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity.

There was a hilarious female sword-swallower, Miss Behanve, who can do fabulous things with her tongue and a rose, and a Ukrainian gymnast with eyes as beautiful as sin who performed with hula hoops.

Camille sang 'Falling in Love Again' in German acappella, and broke every heart in the place. The acrobat from the start came back on and performed trapeze, and we had hilarious puppets from Cirque Decadence from Montreal. And a bo-peep style young lady who spun tassels from her boobs and pulled lollipops from various orifices.

But the two best parts of the show were the boy in the bath and Ursula Martinez. Senora Martinez is a stripper/stand-up comedian, and the most supremely self-confident person I've ever seen. For her first number she performed a striptease/magic act, wherein she continually made a red hankie disappear. The finale was watching her pull it out of her muff. Tada!! She reappeared later and sang a song about Croydon.

But the boy in that bath. What can I say? The hottest, sexiest gymnastic entertainment you will EVER see. If the Spiegeltent (and/or La Clique) come anywhere near you, kill for a ticket.



;-)

LOVE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
Now Playing: A New Day Has Come - Celine
I met Sylvester by accident on the path last night and he was wondering where I'd been and what I was doing. Typical that having totally ignored me for most of the year he wants to chat NOW that I'm on the point of leaving. I was like "Child, I do NOT need to talk to you. Why you all up in my bidness no how? Love DO NOT live here anymore. M'ahf*cka!"

But what I actually said was "I'm leaving. Goodbye. I can wish you no greater joy in your life than the happiness a year as your flatmate has brought me."

Thankfully he didn't ask about his "book," which he lent me in about October. I never read the damn thing - dull as f*ck - but could never be bothered giving it back as that would have necessitated talking to him. Ugh. So I put it in a brown envelope with his name on it and left it beside his pigeonhole. It was the most contemptuous thing I could come up with other than that awful Groucho Marx line "I enjoyed your book. I laughed from beginning to end. Someday I intend reading it."

Let's just pray he never gets elected to the office he so desperately craves...

It's over. I'm outta here. Bus is leaving in 40 minutes. There's nothing left to say.